The Three Little Pigs
Narrator: Once there were three very peculiar, little pigs. They were brothers. One brother loved to eat, one loved to sing and dance. The other brother was, well he was practical. On this particular day two of the pigs, Higgle and Niggle, were getting ready to build their new houses.
Higgle: (from off stage) Come on, Niggle, get away from that window. You've already eaten six bubble gum ice cream carrots, twenty chocolate covered corn cobs, and who knows how many potato peel malts! Now stop looking at that candy in the window and come along. We must get to the fields and build our new houses. Brother Walter has almost finished his brick house and we haven't even started yet.
Niggle: (Higgle and Niggle enter) Walter is a boar.
Higgle: It's true. Walter doesn't even know how to sing or dance the way his very talented brother does. (Higgle begins to sing and dance around the stage) It seems to me that all Walter ever thinks about is that dumb old brick house of his. (Niggle nods) After all, Mother split her meager fortune so that we could go out into this cruel, hard world and live better lives than her own poor, undernourished, underfed, half-starved, famished...
Niggle: (during last speech Niggle has begun to sob louder and louder until he finally interrupts Higgle) Ah, don't worry Mom, I'll eat a million peppermint parsnips just for you.
Higgle: There, there Niggle. I think the parsnips will have to wait. It's time to go build our houses. Now you go that way, (gestures toward one side of the stage) and I'll go this way. (gestures toward the other side of the stage) And I'll come visit you when you've finished your house.
Niggle: (begins to walk off his side of the stage) You know, thinking of Mom always makes me hungry. I'll start building as soon as I eat a little snack.
Higgle: (watches Niggle walk off stage) Good luck, Niggle. Now let's see, before a pig can find the right place to build a house, he must sing a song and dance a little dance. Build one, cha cha cha, build two, cha cha cha. (hums as he exits)
Hugo: (just as the pigs exit, Hugo pops up center stage and looks slowly from one side of the stage to the other. There you go Hugo, you very clever, masterful, marvelous, handsome and oh so hungry wolf, you. (looks at audience) Did you see those fat juicy little pigs? Um, um, um, um um! What tasty suppers they would make. (begins to pace) A plan, I must come up with a plan. (stops) I've got it! I'll use the old huff and puff trick. I bet with a little practice I'll be eating a fresh piggy for supper. (takes a loud breath and blows loudly, everything including stage shakes) Haven't lost the old touch. Well now, let's see, should I start with this pig? (starts off stage right) Or maybe that pig? (doubles back stage left) Hmmmm, oh it hardly matters, before the end of the night I'll serve them both (chuckles) to myself. (walks off same side of stage as Higgle) Here piggy, piggy. Here you cute little piggy you.
(end of scene one)
Narrator: Higgle and Niggle worked and worked on their houses. At least they worked as hard as Higgle and Niggle could.
Niggle: (from off stage, sounds of hammering and Niggle's shout as he hits and hurts his thumb. Niggle and the house rise on stage slowly) Ouch! Well now, that's what I call a house rising. (laughs) And that's what I call a pretty fine house. (Niggle begins inspecting house) Yep, best straw money can buy. You know, I think it's time to go inside to eat a well deserved snack. (Niggle walks around behind house so he is not visible to audience; then goes down stage.)
Hugo: (enters, sees the house, nods to audience, looks back at house) Hummm. The question is, how does a clever wolf get the pig out of the house? Ha! I've got it. (clears throat) Ding dong, ding dong... ice cream, real fresh ice cream. Come get your ice cream while it's good and cold. Come and get it.
Niggle: (peers out from around the house) Ice cream? (sees Hugo) Why that's a wolf, and he doesn't have any ice cream at all. He's just trying to get me out of my house so he can eat me for super. Well, I'll show him that I'm not any dumb old pig. (yells to Hugo) Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin. Mr. Wolf, I'm going to stay here in my safe little house until you go away!
Hugo: Safe little house? (laugh) Don't make me laugh. If you won't come out then I'll have to huff and puff and blow your house down. (takes a huge breath; Niggle should be right behind house on stage; Hugo blows and the house disappears in a very quick, straight downward motion; Niggle is left just standing there; he looks down, looks left then right; runs off stage) Hey, no one ever told me that pigs could run. (Hugo runs after Niggle) You big bundle of lard, you come back here right now!
(end scene 2)
Narriator: Well, it looks to me like Hugo may have a little bit harder time catching the pigs than he first thought. Let's check in on Higgle and see how he is coming along with his house.
Higgle: (standing beside twig house) Figaro, figaro, figaro...home sweet home, home sweet home, home sweet home...
Niggle: (enters running) Higgle, oh Higgle! The wolf is after me! The wolf is after me! Where can we hide?
Higgle: Now don't you worry about a thing, little Niggle. I've built a fine, strong house. Just come on inside and relax. No one will get us here. (while delivering the last line the two pigs disappear into Higgle's house)
Hugo: (Pops up on stage, laughs) Clever, clever wolf. By letting the first one go, I've laid a trap to catch two in one blow. Piggies, piggies, don't be clowns. If you don't come out, I'll huff and puff and I'll blow your house down. (laughs)
H & N: Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins.
Hugo: Okay kids, you asked for it. (huffs with great drama; same action as before with house disappearing in quick, clean action) You're not going to get away from me this time! (Niggle starts to run, Hugo follows; Higgle chases them both and bumps into Hugo from the back; Hugo stops and turns around) Oh, a wise guy, huh? (takes off after Higgle; Niggle repeats the bump in the back trick)
Niggle: Na na na na na. (Hugo chases Niggle off stage; Higgle follows them both; all three come running back; Hugo is in the lead and the pigs are chasing; Hugo keeps running off the stage)
Higgle: Whew! That was too close for comfort. Come on, Niggle. Walter will know what to do. (both pigs run off stage in the opposite direction from Hugo's exit)
Hugo: (returns on stage from the same side he exited) Now where did those pigs go? (follows pigs off stage running)
(end scene three)
Walter: (standing beside his house) Let's see. I'll put the garden in over here. And the garage in over there. And... (Higgle and Niggle enter running and out of breath)
Higgle: Oh Walter, you have to save us!
Niggle: THE WOLF IS AFTER US....
Higgle: AND HE HUFFS AND PUFFS AND HOUSES JUST FLY ALL OVER THE PLACE!
Niggle: Walter, he's big and ugly...and he's very hungry.
Walter: Hello Higgle, hello Nigggle. Fine weather we're having. You two seem a bit upset. Why don't you come inside and we'll talk it over. (Walter leads into the house; Higgle and Niggle follow)
Higgle: And he was saying naughty things about pickled pig's feet.
Niggle: And roasted pork ears. Walter, he is a very bad wolf.
Hugo: (enters laughing) Three little pigs. Count them--one, two, three. One for my appetizer, one for my main course and one just for dessert. Yum, yum, yum. (toward house) Okay, you in there. That's right, I'm talking to you pigs! Come on out. There's no reason to fight me any more. I'm too strong and powerful... not to mention hungry. So come on out right now.
All Pigs: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins.
Hugo: (huffs and puffs with all his might)
All Pigs: (giggle loudly)
Hugo: (huffs and puffs with all his might again)
All Pigs: (giggle louder than the first time)
Hugo: (huffs and puffs with all his might one more time)
All Pigs: (giggle as loud as they can)
Hugo: (shaking with rage) Ohhh those pigs! (stops) But wait, I have an idea. (disappears off stage, sounds of grunting and groaning; he appears on top of the house from back) Hugo, you are so clever, so clever.. (goes over to chimney, looks in, looks at his own body, then back in chimney) You know, they just don't build chimneys the way they used to. Oh well, here goes. (falling sound, then ganging and chattering; wolf disappears behind house; the following chase scene takes place back stage; it can be as long and as loud as your imagination makes it)
Hugo: Come back here, you pig, you.
Hugo: Ouch, why you....
Walter: Hey, who turned out the lights?
Niggle: Let go of me, you nit wit.
Higgle: Oh, sorry.
Hugo: Here piggy, piggy, piggy.....piggy.
All Pigs: Ah Ha. We Gotcha! (they all come out of the house, pigs are all upright and proud; Hugo is slumped over..order is Walter, Hugo, Higgle Niggle)
Higgle: Well, what do we do with him now?
Niggle: Why don't we build a cage and keep him for a pet?
Walter: Hold it, hold it, hold it! The only things you two are going to build are houses. And this time your are going to build them right. Understand?
Higgle: Yes Walter.
Niggle: Yes Walter.
Walter: And as for the wolf, we are going to take him to the zoo where he can't do anyone else harm.
Hugo: (looks towards the audience) I wonder if they serve good lunches there!
Walter: Tut, tut, come along now. Let's go.
All Bow! Job Well Done!!!
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